Thank you for writing this, Amanda. I feel your empathy throughout the piece. Also not a fan of ghosting. And I also have a chronic illness and am deeply grateful for the friends who show up and check in.
Well said, and thank you for writing it. Yes, I have been ghosted many times since diagnosis, but these abandonments are still very much wounds too recent to write about. Bandaged, but I still think, “What did I do wrong? What could I possibly have said?” Although very aware of my cranky truthfulness, no way did I deserve the no contact phenomenon currently popular within abusive family relationships. I simply could not physically be there for their difficult feelings any more. I had my own neglected feelings to process. I do know their ghosting relates to the unmasking I require, due to living with a chronic illness. I cannot be the people pleaser / caretaker anymore, as I need the energy that emotional suppression requires for basic functioning, like walking. So essentially I find myself alone with muddled thoughts and feelings, not yet scars that I can comfortably write about.
It’s a different way of living. A new identity. I will never be the person I used to be, I can’t be the creative cheer leader, the boss, any more.
I am now a needy child in an old woman’s body, not a mother, nor a grandmother, because I had a career instead of children. The biological bubbles of isolation the pandemic created did not help.
I felt every word of this. There is so much in what you have said that I can relate to, but of course we all have our own journeys and pain to deal with. Like when you said you couldn't put certain things into words yet, argh I felt that. Thank you for sharing what you have, that means a lot 💕
As I wrote my article, there were many places I had to stop and cry. It's taken me years to even admit some of this stuff to myself. It felt like a form of grief, which of course brought up so much from the past too.
It's incredibly hard to be faced with a new reality, a new version of yourself and wondering if people close to you will accept it. I've felt super vulnerable this past year too, learning to unmask. But It's nice to know that there are others out there that understand. I think finding a community is a really important factor in healing old wounds. Sending much love to you 🥰 x
Thank you so so much for writing and sharing this, Amanda! Especially 6. Grief really hit home for me. I've recently started trying out new painkillers and the great news is they work (some), but what this does to my hope and the hope of my loved ones, especially every time we come across a new disappointment, something else we, again, need to cross of the list of things that are better now ... It hurts so much, as if all the grief is happening all over again. Even this positive change in my chronic pain has made me feel lonely and scared of all the rejection it has caused me in the past. Thank you for making me feel less alone and crazy! 💛
Sending you gentle hugs Shirley. I've found grief is such a big part of having a chronic illness. For me it comes in waves, some days easier than others. It's tough coming to terms with the loss of who you were before, and the loss of future goals and dreams I once had and then the loss of friendships this has caused, as well as my role in my family and society. There is a lot to deal with. I think it's important to feel all the feelings and to do nice things for yourself. I'm glad the blog post made you feel less alone 💞 lots of love x
Thank you for your warming words, Amanda! I recognize and feel what you've written in my bones (😋) & I really needed the reminder to feel my feelings - it's so easy to forget that one. Love and gentle hugs for you too!! 💛
Thank you for writing this, Amanda. I feel your empathy throughout the piece. Also not a fan of ghosting. And I also have a chronic illness and am deeply grateful for the friends who show up and check in.
Right! Like even a simple text message or phone call can make all the difference to someone's day 😊 x
Well said, and thank you for writing it. Yes, I have been ghosted many times since diagnosis, but these abandonments are still very much wounds too recent to write about. Bandaged, but I still think, “What did I do wrong? What could I possibly have said?” Although very aware of my cranky truthfulness, no way did I deserve the no contact phenomenon currently popular within abusive family relationships. I simply could not physically be there for their difficult feelings any more. I had my own neglected feelings to process. I do know their ghosting relates to the unmasking I require, due to living with a chronic illness. I cannot be the people pleaser / caretaker anymore, as I need the energy that emotional suppression requires for basic functioning, like walking. So essentially I find myself alone with muddled thoughts and feelings, not yet scars that I can comfortably write about.
It’s a different way of living. A new identity. I will never be the person I used to be, I can’t be the creative cheer leader, the boss, any more.
I am now a needy child in an old woman’s body, not a mother, nor a grandmother, because I had a career instead of children. The biological bubbles of isolation the pandemic created did not help.
I could go on…
I felt every word of this. There is so much in what you have said that I can relate to, but of course we all have our own journeys and pain to deal with. Like when you said you couldn't put certain things into words yet, argh I felt that. Thank you for sharing what you have, that means a lot 💕
As I wrote my article, there were many places I had to stop and cry. It's taken me years to even admit some of this stuff to myself. It felt like a form of grief, which of course brought up so much from the past too.
It's incredibly hard to be faced with a new reality, a new version of yourself and wondering if people close to you will accept it. I've felt super vulnerable this past year too, learning to unmask. But It's nice to know that there are others out there that understand. I think finding a community is a really important factor in healing old wounds. Sending much love to you 🥰 x
Thank you so so much for writing and sharing this, Amanda! Especially 6. Grief really hit home for me. I've recently started trying out new painkillers and the great news is they work (some), but what this does to my hope and the hope of my loved ones, especially every time we come across a new disappointment, something else we, again, need to cross of the list of things that are better now ... It hurts so much, as if all the grief is happening all over again. Even this positive change in my chronic pain has made me feel lonely and scared of all the rejection it has caused me in the past. Thank you for making me feel less alone and crazy! 💛
Sending you gentle hugs Shirley. I've found grief is such a big part of having a chronic illness. For me it comes in waves, some days easier than others. It's tough coming to terms with the loss of who you were before, and the loss of future goals and dreams I once had and then the loss of friendships this has caused, as well as my role in my family and society. There is a lot to deal with. I think it's important to feel all the feelings and to do nice things for yourself. I'm glad the blog post made you feel less alone 💞 lots of love x
Thank you for your warming words, Amanda! I recognize and feel what you've written in my bones (😋) & I really needed the reminder to feel my feelings - it's so easy to forget that one. Love and gentle hugs for you too!! 💛
So much insight, reflection and processing here! I love the full outline of such a rainbow of feelings🌈🥲
I have recently begun to wonder if ghosting is something we do to ourselves as well as each other? Not that I have much in the way of any answers yet😆
Heart sorry to read that you lost your mum at such at young age 💔😪
Thanks Amber. Ghosting our own emotions -we totally do that too!! That could be a whole other post 😌 x
Sending warm wishes your way.