Is stepping outside of our comfort zone always the best option? When it comes to having a chronic illness, sometimes seeking comfort is the best way forward...
All great ideas. I hang a string of lights in my bedroom. It always makes me feel settled and cozy, especially in winter. I bought a really cool floor lamp at a consignment shop. I use that when I need some extra comfort.
If I'm really fatigued, I choose a few floor yoga poses and just hold them for several minutes, rather than doing a full yoga sequence. If my body wants to melt into the floor, I facilitate that and it does help.
I love that. Especially because it's such a simple thing to do for yourself. I think in the past I forgot to indulge in these little comforts thinking that it was too simple or silly, but now I'm totally embracing it. These small acts really do help make us feel better 💕
hi i just want to know if the writer of the book has suffered mentally or physically as I truly believe you have to live the life to know what it is really like. You can imagine it for ten minutes but, in reality, if you have a chronic illness, it can get you down as it has no timetable you can adhere to. If there was a timetable, then you could look forward to the 'good' times but if there is no timetable, then you have to comfort yourself, whenever you can cos it'ss about surviving mentally and physically.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. I think you have to try and take the word 'pain' out of your head as just the word makes me wince. And I think you should swear a lot as it helps relieve the pressure !!! I believe you have to try and trick the brain again. Apparently the best thing to help insomnia is to say to yourself 'I will not allow you to go to sleep' then you do. It's the old adage "Don't look now, but ...." so it is reverse psychology.
I would always have a nice treat like a 'naughty' chocolate to eat or something like lavender cream waiting for me if i wake up in the middle of the night and say to myself 'yippee' you have woken me up i am so happy as i can have a Malibu and coke and watch a TV programme and cuddle up with my hot water bottle. The brain is then thinking 'hold on - you are supposed to be sad - then you re-boot it into thinking its a treat !
The middle of the night when everyone else is asleep is the loneliest time of all cos you can feel like you are the only person alive and awake on the planet so i would turn on a programme from the States then i'm in a good time zone.
A lot of my good loving happy thoughts go back to childhood when i was living abroad as a child. So, whenever i see a bright orange canna with variegated leaves, i go straight back to a happy place and the sound of crickets makes me feel I'm home - in my heart and in my being loved and protected brain.
The same goes for African Marigolds - i used to delight in squeezing the flower head and loved its unique smell!!
The sound and smell and warmth of a lawn mower cutting grass.
Walking with bare feet on the grass, even if it's wet.
Smell of boiled chicken broth with pearl barley reminds me of being loved and wanted and that life is all good.
Picking a bunch of wild flowers and knowing the name of each one and thinking how clever as 'shepherd's purse' is really like a purse for a shepherd and putting my finger into a foxglove to see if it would fit ""
Taking out the pistil from honeysuckle and tasing it.
Smell of a real charcoal bar-b-cue
Crackling and spitting of an open fire
songs from my childhood
Piano playing the classical pieces my mother used to play
I think sometimes, when you are ready, you can step outside of your comfort zone is a good thing as it gets the adrenaline flowing and that might revitalise the brain and its about conquering the fear which gives you a feel good factor but certainly not to do it all the time and you have to be in control - because you WANT to do it, not because you feel you SHOULD.
There's a fine line between feeling sorry for yourself and surviving but you do have to be kind to yourself. I remember in Eastenders, he said "I want to wallow in my misery" as England had not won the Football match but a day later, the brain wasn't in such a bad place as it had 'accepted' what had happened. Don't be too tough on yourself, as life is difficult enough as it is .
I love the poem called 'Desiderata' as it has many wise sayings in it.
.
Desiderata - Words for Life
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
Aw thanks Aunty Didi, I love seeing all your comforts, it's comforting in itself reading those 😍 and the poem is lovely. I am so thankful for all your wise words and our chats. That has also been a great comfort to me, especially because you just get it and how tough it can all be. Love you lots 😘 x
Thank you for writing this Amanda! I have been meaning to check out Michael's book, as it is a subject that interests me, and I keep hearing the book mentioned in podcasts. But I have the same concerns as you. I can't comment on the book as I haven't had chance to read it yet, but I rather wonder if there is a 'comfort crisis' because, right now, people NEED comfort! (And not just us neurodivergent, chronically ill types, although I totally agree that we especially need to soothe our frazzled nervous systems as a priority.)
Seeking comfort is a normal mammalian urge. If people are doing it more, or seeking it in the wrong places, I suspect it is because we currently need it more than ever. My suspicion is that modern life isn't meeting our needs as mammals, as primates, as human beings, and we are lacking connection and appropriate sources of comfort.
You are so right. I think as a society we are lacking connections and comforts and probably trying to fill that need in other more unsustainable 'unhealthy' ways. I'm looking forward to reading your blog on the topic too, thanks for sharing. I do recommend reading the book as it does have some interesting points in it. I wish I could do some of the things he suggests like the hikes/rucking, but I don't think my body would allow it these days. But the other little comforts are helping 😊
I am definitely interested in reading the book too. I don't disagree with him, but I agree with you that things are more nuanced. I guess, though, that self-help books can't really be that nuanced, or they lose their power. I know I have heard Cal Newport say this. I'm pretty sure that Cal N's podcast is where I originally heard about this book actually.
Yeah you're right, you really have to take things with a pinch of salt as they say, they can't please us all. It did make me think though and that's what a good book should do 😄
Though I haven’t heard of this book or the comfort crisis before I can relate to my own experience of it.
I wrote a blog called froze pipe dream the other year - having stripped back all of my creature comforts and (in learning to let my body lead) finding myself often in the deepest darkest depths of discomfort I get the message the writer is trying to share.
Though for me personally, letting go of the pushing, striving, forcing energy and culture we have become accustomed to in order to prove our worth is a way of living that I’ve had to let go of in favour of adopting a life lived in flow. So I don’t quite see that dancing with discomfort is about pushing ourselves forcefully into it.
I love that you asked your therapist about when it is appropriate and when it isn’t because this is such a tricky thing to learn. I’m so glad (like I have) you have the support and space held for you to navigate your way through this rough terrain.
It's such a fine balance isn't it. Knowing when you need to really strip back everything to give yourself the silence to hear and feel everything, a way of listening to your intuition, but then like you said, pushing away the negative striving and forcing energies to not lose yourself in that form of discomfort. I found myself agreeing with a lot in his book but then also questioning a lot too. It's a good read either way, it got me thinking about how to frame my own lifestyle in a way that suits me 😊
All great ideas. I hang a string of lights in my bedroom. It always makes me feel settled and cozy, especially in winter. I bought a really cool floor lamp at a consignment shop. I use that when I need some extra comfort.
If I'm really fatigued, I choose a few floor yoga poses and just hold them for several minutes, rather than doing a full yoga sequence. If my body wants to melt into the floor, I facilitate that and it does help.
Ooh yes that's such a good idea with the string of lights. They make any place feel so cosy 😊 I must get some for my little book nook!
It's the simplest thing, but it makes me so dang happy. Helps me wind down at night and helps me greet the morning gradually 😀
I love that. Especially because it's such a simple thing to do for yourself. I think in the past I forgot to indulge in these little comforts thinking that it was too simple or silly, but now I'm totally embracing it. These small acts really do help make us feel better 💕
So true! I always thought there was one big thing that would be the solution. Now I think it's all the little things spread out over a day.
I am such a fan of fairy lights, and lamps, for bringing comfort!
hi i just want to know if the writer of the book has suffered mentally or physically as I truly believe you have to live the life to know what it is really like. You can imagine it for ten minutes but, in reality, if you have a chronic illness, it can get you down as it has no timetable you can adhere to. If there was a timetable, then you could look forward to the 'good' times but if there is no timetable, then you have to comfort yourself, whenever you can cos it'ss about surviving mentally and physically.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. I think you have to try and take the word 'pain' out of your head as just the word makes me wince. And I think you should swear a lot as it helps relieve the pressure !!! I believe you have to try and trick the brain again. Apparently the best thing to help insomnia is to say to yourself 'I will not allow you to go to sleep' then you do. It's the old adage "Don't look now, but ...." so it is reverse psychology.
I would always have a nice treat like a 'naughty' chocolate to eat or something like lavender cream waiting for me if i wake up in the middle of the night and say to myself 'yippee' you have woken me up i am so happy as i can have a Malibu and coke and watch a TV programme and cuddle up with my hot water bottle. The brain is then thinking 'hold on - you are supposed to be sad - then you re-boot it into thinking its a treat !
The middle of the night when everyone else is asleep is the loneliest time of all cos you can feel like you are the only person alive and awake on the planet so i would turn on a programme from the States then i'm in a good time zone.
A lot of my good loving happy thoughts go back to childhood when i was living abroad as a child. So, whenever i see a bright orange canna with variegated leaves, i go straight back to a happy place and the sound of crickets makes me feel I'm home - in my heart and in my being loved and protected brain.
The same goes for African Marigolds - i used to delight in squeezing the flower head and loved its unique smell!!
The sound and smell and warmth of a lawn mower cutting grass.
Walking with bare feet on the grass, even if it's wet.
Smell of boiled chicken broth with pearl barley reminds me of being loved and wanted and that life is all good.
Picking a bunch of wild flowers and knowing the name of each one and thinking how clever as 'shepherd's purse' is really like a purse for a shepherd and putting my finger into a foxglove to see if it would fit ""
Taking out the pistil from honeysuckle and tasing it.
Smell of a real charcoal bar-b-cue
Crackling and spitting of an open fire
songs from my childhood
Piano playing the classical pieces my mother used to play
I think sometimes, when you are ready, you can step outside of your comfort zone is a good thing as it gets the adrenaline flowing and that might revitalise the brain and its about conquering the fear which gives you a feel good factor but certainly not to do it all the time and you have to be in control - because you WANT to do it, not because you feel you SHOULD.
There's a fine line between feeling sorry for yourself and surviving but you do have to be kind to yourself. I remember in Eastenders, he said "I want to wallow in my misery" as England had not won the Football match but a day later, the brain wasn't in such a bad place as it had 'accepted' what had happened. Don't be too tough on yourself, as life is difficult enough as it is .
I love the poem called 'Desiderata' as it has many wise sayings in it.
.
Desiderata - Words for Life
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
— Max Ehrmann, 1927
Aw thanks Aunty Didi, I love seeing all your comforts, it's comforting in itself reading those 😍 and the poem is lovely. I am so thankful for all your wise words and our chats. That has also been a great comfort to me, especially because you just get it and how tough it can all be. Love you lots 😘 x
Thank you for writing this Amanda! I have been meaning to check out Michael's book, as it is a subject that interests me, and I keep hearing the book mentioned in podcasts. But I have the same concerns as you. I can't comment on the book as I haven't had chance to read it yet, but I rather wonder if there is a 'comfort crisis' because, right now, people NEED comfort! (And not just us neurodivergent, chronically ill types, although I totally agree that we especially need to soothe our frazzled nervous systems as a priority.)
Seeking comfort is a normal mammalian urge. If people are doing it more, or seeking it in the wrong places, I suspect it is because we currently need it more than ever. My suspicion is that modern life isn't meeting our needs as mammals, as primates, as human beings, and we are lacking connection and appropriate sources of comfort.
I wrote a post about the importance of comfort a little while back. I also made a list of comforts, although my list was just some of my favourites! I'd love to hear more about other people's comforts though, either here or on my post. I will link to that here: https://open.substack.com/pub/wonderingsteps/p/friday-31st-may-2024?r=3wo9c1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Oh, and clean sheet night is one of the best ever comforts! (It would be even better if the clean sheets were being provided by someone else though!)
You are so right. I think as a society we are lacking connections and comforts and probably trying to fill that need in other more unsustainable 'unhealthy' ways. I'm looking forward to reading your blog on the topic too, thanks for sharing. I do recommend reading the book as it does have some interesting points in it. I wish I could do some of the things he suggests like the hikes/rucking, but I don't think my body would allow it these days. But the other little comforts are helping 😊
I am definitely interested in reading the book too. I don't disagree with him, but I agree with you that things are more nuanced. I guess, though, that self-help books can't really be that nuanced, or they lose their power. I know I have heard Cal Newport say this. I'm pretty sure that Cal N's podcast is where I originally heard about this book actually.
Yeah you're right, you really have to take things with a pinch of salt as they say, they can't please us all. It did make me think though and that's what a good book should do 😄
Absolutely!
Great topic for conversation!
Though I haven’t heard of this book or the comfort crisis before I can relate to my own experience of it.
I wrote a blog called froze pipe dream the other year - having stripped back all of my creature comforts and (in learning to let my body lead) finding myself often in the deepest darkest depths of discomfort I get the message the writer is trying to share.
Though for me personally, letting go of the pushing, striving, forcing energy and culture we have become accustomed to in order to prove our worth is a way of living that I’ve had to let go of in favour of adopting a life lived in flow. So I don’t quite see that dancing with discomfort is about pushing ourselves forcefully into it.
I love that you asked your therapist about when it is appropriate and when it isn’t because this is such a tricky thing to learn. I’m so glad (like I have) you have the support and space held for you to navigate your way through this rough terrain.
It's such a fine balance isn't it. Knowing when you need to really strip back everything to give yourself the silence to hear and feel everything, a way of listening to your intuition, but then like you said, pushing away the negative striving and forcing energies to not lose yourself in that form of discomfort. I found myself agreeing with a lot in his book but then also questioning a lot too. It's a good read either way, it got me thinking about how to frame my own lifestyle in a way that suits me 😊
If anyone would like the link to my blog:
https://warriorwithin.substack.com/p/frozen-pipe-dream